the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
