I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
