guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
