Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
