dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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