her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
