so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
