i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
