So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
