No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
