We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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