You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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