arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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