For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I need moral support for this bender
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
