My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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