he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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