i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I supernannyed him into submission
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
