so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
