Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
