I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
