I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
