I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
