Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
