how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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