How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
my poor anus
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
