she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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