I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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