I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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