I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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