There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
