Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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