you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
