I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
