Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
