At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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