About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
