If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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