i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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