After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
