who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
