I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
