dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize