There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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