so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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