You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
