and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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