Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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