Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think I sprained my soul last night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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