i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So squirting runs in the family.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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