You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
