I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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