Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
