it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
