my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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