They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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