So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
