omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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