Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
