soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I got inside last night via doggy door
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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