I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
