update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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