I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize