Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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