I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
