I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
