There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
