you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
