Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
