I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
